I’ve not done a “What’s In My Bag?” blog post before. I’m a mummy to a 14 month old, so naturally my bag is full of…crap. In fact, I’m a little bit worried about what I might find when I go delving around in there for this post. There’s probably going to be an awful lot of crumbs and other grubby things.
This is my bag. I’ve never done a bag introduction before. How bizarre.
It is from Sainsbury’s (I know right, you wouldn’t believe that would you!). It actually looks very similar to a much smaller bag I have from Jasper Conran so that’s pretty cool I got this one as a valentines day gift this year after a lot (and I mean a lot) of hinting during every single shopping trip to the supermarket. My nagging and many ‘ooooh I like that’ actually worked. Yipee.
What’s In It?
A pair of size 4 doodles. I wonder what they’re doing in there?
Half a bag of Quavers.
Johnsons Baby mini changing bag (this is the most wonderful thing there is!)
A pack of Asda Little Angels baby wipes.
This weeks food shopping list.
A pair of Thomas The Tank Engine socks.
One lonely Lens Wipe.
Oh my god, another half eaten bag of Quavers.
Half a pack of Apple Crisps.
A box of raisins.
Some ginger biscuits.
My house & car keys.
Lots of crumbs!
There is now a small child trying to climb in too…..
Conclusion? I seem to be storing a very tiny shop in there and could probably feed the local population of toddlers. Where’s any of the mummy stuff?
I’ve been enjoying lots of different things in April, so I thought I would follow on from my old traditions and write a favourites post for today’s #BEDM. I used to do this every month but then I kind of fell out of love with blogging for a while, so stopped writing them.
In April I loved…
Mini Peperami’s because I’m a child like that; Bunny’s Charm leggings because Oscar looks adorable in them; Frankie jeans from Dorothy Perkins; New York Bakery Cinnamon & Raisin Bagels.
I’ve also been absolutely loving sunny walks with Oscar and the Mothercare Nanu; trips to the play park with Oscar’s little friend; family days out including this one to Odds Farm in Buckinghamshire.
P.S. This isn’t a sponsored post in any way, I just loved these things!
I quite often write opinion-based posts over on my blog. They can sometimes be kind of accidentally controversial too [oops] but hey, what can a girl do when she has things on her mind she wants to express?
I’ve had something on my mind for a while and today seems to be the perfect day to get my thoughts and feelings down on paper. Well, computer screen.
Why do we judge people so quickly?
In the last year or so I have made friends with a girl that I went to school with. Out of the blue one day I received a message from her asking me some questions about pregnancy as she had just found out she was expecting and obviously I had just had Oscar. She will probably (maybe) be reading this but luckily I don’t have anything horrible to say! 😉 At school we were worlds apart. We hung around with different people, had different opinions, had different tastes, liked all sorts of different things and really, we hardly ever spoke. At least, that’s what I thought. That is what I assumed. I guess I was quick to judge (not necessarily in a bad way) that we just wouldn’t get on.
The thing is, what I assumed actually turned out to be very wrong. I was so wrong with the perception I had of her at school and she is nothing like the person I thought – she isn’t worlds apart from me at all. In fact, we are quite similar. It’s kind of funny in a way to look back now at what I used to think and compare it with how I currently think. It has really got me thinking. Why is this the case? Why do we (or maybe just I) judge people so quickly before we really know them as a person?
I am quite a shy and quiet person most of the time but back at school I was extremely timid and due to my own lack of self-esteem I made assumptions about other people. I thought everybody hated me (granted, lots of people actually did but that isn’t the point) and I just made judgements that I wouldn’t get on with a certain person so I’d just avoid even trying. I was intimidated by groups of people who came across as superior to me and I struggled with this for a lot of years (i.e. until I left school).
It’s a shame because if I was current me back at school, I probably would have made an awful lot more friends and had a much happier time. I should have just put myself out there and not thought that everyone had negative opinions on me. It also meant I had negative opinions on other people and it was most certainly a huge catch 22 situation and I made it worse for myself. It is was it is though and I can’t go back and change what I did or thought back then.
It makes me super glad that I received those messages because over a year on, I’ve gained a very good, caring, lovely friend who is there for me. In the process, I’ve also learnt that I need to relax on the pre-judgement of people and more importantly, the way people see me. Leaving school is a massive learning curve, adult life is very different to what you are prepared for and I’ve learnt so much from this one new friend than I ever thought I could.
If you’re reading this you know who you are and I’d like to say thanks for making me a better person 🙂
Earlier this morning I accidentally stumbled across a blog post all about Blog Every Day In May (#BEDM on Twitter if you want to follow all of the brilliant posts).
I was annoyed because obviously it is already 3rd May so I kind of failed the challenge before I had even started. Never fear though, I can still do it, right? I’ll just be posting the first 3 days today and then carrying on each day to schedule.
The challenge itself was created and is hosted byRosalilium.com. If you don’t already know, the idea behind the challenge is to post on your blog every day in May. That’s 31 posts full of inspiration all in one go. Eek, good luck to my brain. There are set themes each day but you can also post on any topic you fancy – I’ll decide what I am posting based on the topic and will probably stick to some of the themes, but maybe not all of them.
The theme for #BEDM Day 01 is:
Tell Us Something New
I’ve done a couple of about me posts before on my blog and tend to include the usual age, family, where I am from, you know….standard stuff that people like to know. So I thought I would change things up a bit for this post and just think of something else about me that I haven’t necessarily covered before [oh my, it’s tough because I’m kinda boring!]
I have ZERO willpower.
I have no idea why [other than it is just my personality] but I cannot stick to anything. It’s ironic really that I’m taking on this challenge, but I’m secretly hoping that it will help me get some of that pesky willpower I seem to lack.
I’ve thought about dieting many a time, I’ve tried dieting a million times, I’ve planned to do exercise regimes and join gyms, give up junk food and eat salads, I’ve budgeted our money and said we need to stick to it, I’ve said I’m not buying anything I don’t need, I mean, the 30 day shred looks great too…I’ve done all of these things. Just, in my head.
My mind can’t seem to stick to things despite me WANTING said things so badly. I would love to be a size 10, salad eating, 30 day shredded millionaire, but the inability I have to stick to anything to get to these outcomes, is just, well, dream shattering to say the least.
I’m not even sure if its something that I can fix. Can you just learn to have willpower? Can you actually teach yourself to put down that chocolate bar and put that £10 note back in your purse? I’m not sure. But, let’s start small…with this little 31 day blog challenge.
If I manage the 31 days then I’ll up my gain to 14 days actually-stick-to-my-lifestyle-change-routine challenge!
As you may have seen I posted a couple of weeks back about starting to eat better and exercise more in order to live a healthier lifestyle. I was supposed to be writing weekly updates to how I was getting on, but clearly I failed at the first hurdle. Contrary to the fact I didn’t write an update, I did actually have a very good first week. I ate well, based most of my choices on the Slimming World plan and I got myself out and about for exercise. I went for walks almost every day of the week and started the C25K plan. Consequently, I lost just over 3lbs.
So, what went wrong?
I went for my week 1, day 3 couch to 5k run at the beginning of the second week and ever since then I have been in horrendous pain with my knees. I have absolutely no idea why because the run itself felt GREAT. It was only when I got home, sat down, and tried to stand up again and realised I could barely walk that it hit me I must have somehow done some damage. I’m not actually entirely sure what I’ve done – I just have a lot of pain in the inside front of my knees. Very odd.
Anyway, this knocked me for six. I wasn’t going out for walks because I was in pain and being stuck indoors made me revert back to my old habits of eating my feelings. I was annoyed that I couldn’t carry on walking or running at that time, so I ate instead. Logic?!
I’m currently sat writing this whilst eating a bowl of strawberries and blueberries with yoghurt so you could say I’m back on track. Even if I can’t exercise the way I would like to, I can at least eat better and focus on losing some weight to start with. I think I’ll need to look up some muscle strengthening exercises to do for a few weeks and then I might try and get back into the running again if I have seen an improvement in my knees. If not, well, then I’ll probably have to do an exercise plan or DVD instead from home. For now I just need to start slowly and work my way up.
The worst part is that I know I can easily lose weight if I put my mind to it. I’ve done it before and I can do it again so it’s frustrating when I end up giving up so quickly. I’ve got my food loosely planned for the week (i.e. I can swap between the days but I can’t add in a load of chocolate and crisps, ha!) so that’s a good start. I did a nice healthy food shop yesterday too so we’re stocked up on fruit and vegetables for the foreseeable future…woohoo!
I’m calling this my new week 1. The Fitbit is back on and I’m ready to go.
Gazing out of the window, Oscar in my arms, spotting all of the cars and trains going past this evening gave me a bit of time to reflect. Time that I don’t usually have.
That little boy amazes me every single day and I am thoroughly enjoying watching his little personality grow as he turns into a little boy. We get laughter, cheekiness, grumpiness and the occasional mini tantrum and whilst he isn’t always certain how he feels, I know for certain how I feel.
I feel fulfilled.
This tiny human enriches my life and teaches me things I didn’t even know about myself. Someone so small is a companion, he keeps me company, he really distracts me from the anxieties I sometimes feel. A brief cuddle as he makes his way from one bit of mischief to the next is all it takes. Those few moments of having him snuggle in tight, as if to say “I love you mummy, I’m just reminding you of that” without the words he cannot yet say.
A little chuckle here and there when mummy does something silly, or the kisses I didn’t even ask for – it’s precious moments like that, small things, that slot together like a puzzle, completing me one piece at a time. It sounds really cliché, but it’s the only way I can describe how it feels.
Before I had Oscar, I was almost certain that I felt like there was something missing from my life. I had a lovely partner, a well paid job and my own car but it didn’t quite all add up to what I expected to feel when I had “everything”. That is, until I realised that I didn’t have everything.
I didn’t have that small companion by my side every day and I didn’t have that constant unconditional love. There was a gap in my life and it needed filling. I didn’t realise what that empty gap was until I look back now. I felt like I needed more from my life and I wasn’t prepared to wait for it either. The day we decided that we’d quite like to have a baby, was the exact day I started to fill that empty slot.
My missing puzzle piece.
We’re a little family now, just the 3 of us. Our tiny little puzzle, one that is so enriching, is complete. My little boy and my big boy fulfil my life enough that I don’t feel empty anymore. I don’t have a longing for something else nor do I have to seek out what that missing link is.
I’m a mum now, a parent. Our greatest decision yet.
Before I start, I just want to say that everything I am about to say is how I feel and not a representation of all people who give birth via C-Section.
It is currently Caesarean Awareness Month and having personally been through a section, it is only fitting that I write a post. I love that there is an entire month of awareness for something that isn’t necessarily always discussed that openly.
Oscar was born via emergency caesarean after 3 days in labour and no sign of any progress. His heart rate was consistently dipping and after a failed attempt at breaking my waters, I was rushed to theatre to get him out. I’ve written all about mywhole birth experience on my blog so check it out if you want to see what went on.
I went into hospital to be induced with no intention of having a C-Section. It didn’t really ever cross my mind. At the NHS antenatal classes, the topic was merely skimmed over and the focus was all on having a vaginal birth. I went through having a section with no real understanding of the procedure and no expectations of ever having one and I really wish that more had been said about it. It’s almost as though it was swept under the carpet as though it never actually happens. In my eyes, that is wrong.
Unfortunately since having my section I have been left feeling as though I didn’t really give birth and like I missed out, or was robbed of an experience I assumed I would have. Of course, the end result is that my baby was born safely and healthy, but that doesn’t take away from the strange feeling I feel when I think about my experience. I didn’t have that vaginal birth and I didn’t experience all the feelings that I thought I would. In fact, truth be told, my labour was all very weird and it definitely wasn’t right, that’s for sure.
The section itself was awful. As it was an emergency, everything is very rushed and I felt very apprehensive throughout. Being wheeled into the white theatre room was a moment I’ll never forget. It felt wrong. It felt as though everything was falling apart. It was not what I imagined. The spinal block left me shaking for hours. All I remember from theatre is asking the anaesthetist the weirdest questions, having an oxygen mask placed on me, the heavy feeling on my chest and tugging when the surgeons were taking Oscar out and when they pulled the sheet down and all I saw was a massive tub of my own blood. Not ideal.
Thankfully, the best moment ever was when my gorgeous little boy was held over me so that I could see him. I’ll forever be thankful that I can remember that moment because quite a lot of the rest of the 3 days is such a blur to me. I wish I could document it fully but really, I can’t. There’s so much I don’t remember and I hate that. I didn’t get to cuddle my little boy straight away and by the time I was back in the recovery room, he was almost an hour old.
It was 2 weeks afterwards that my scar started to swell up and I was in so much pain. I assumed it was normal. We called 111 and I was advised to go to the emergency clinic straight away. Little did I know, I actually had a severe scar infection that needed treating with the strongest IV antibiotics available. I was stuck in hospital on this drip for 5 days. I hardly got to see my little boy and it was honestly the hardest thing I have ever been through. My blood results were really bad – I had septicaemia from the infection and my skin started to turn yellow. I was very lucky that I went into hospital when I did otherwise I would have become very poorly, very quickly. My wound had to be reopened (with surgical scissors) whilst I was wide awake so that they could take a swab. I was then given a vacuum pack dressing to wear for a whole week – it’s a little box attached to a tube which pulls the moisture out of the wound and really helps it to heal quickly.
It was an event that I wouldn’t like to go through again and honestly, it has really put me off having any more kids (I’ll save that for another blog post though. It could get deep!) It is a memory that I look back on with such fear and not the happy memories I should have of those days.
It’s hard. It really is. It still affects me now. I can be fine for days, weeks, months but then suddenly it all comes back to me and it’s like I’m reliving the experience in my head. I honestly can’t believe what I went through and it’s hard to get over. It’s hard to forget and I think it will take me a lot of years before I can properly come to terms with it all.
For now, I hope that Caesarean Sections are given more awareness. There’s too much sugar-coating and not enough teaching of the things that can happen. Vaginal deliveries being referred to as ‘normal’ needs to stop because every delivery is normal! Imagine how it feels to go through something like I did and then to be told your birth wasn’t normal. Don’t you think I know that? It wasn’t like I chose it and I didn’t ever want it to happen but it did. I had the easy option did I? Wrong. I honestly thought I was going to die with my infection. How, in any way, is that easy?
There needs to be more understanding of it all for everyone so spreading as much awareness throughout April, and every other month, is what is needed.
Oscar is now 13 months old! I need to get my bum back into action with Oscar’s monthly updates as I have started to lag behind a lot with them. I want to carry on doing them so I have everything to look back on.
Weight: *bad mum alert* I still haven’t got Oscar weighed again since his review. I dread taking him and putting him on those cold, cold scales knowing that he is going to wriggle and probably scream the place down. I might go next Friday when my partner is off for moral support!
Things Oscar Can Do:
Now that Oscar is getting much more confident on his feet, he is now almost starting to run. Sometimes he gets a bit carried away and falls over but he’s really trying. It does mean he is much harder to keep up with these days though!
Aside from the ‘cat’ and ‘fish’ repetitions we get, he now also says ‘Guh’ which means gone. It’s so adorable as he says it every single time he finishes a meal or if something is empty (oh, or if the ‘cat’ goes out into the garden.
Throw a little bit of a strop if he doesn’t get his own way. Thankfully it isn’t quite a tantrum, but I can definitely tell when he gets annoyed and wants something else to happen. Usually the situation is resolved pretty quickly and all is well in his little world again.
Get his shoes when we are going out. This is a very new thing he has started doing over the last few days. When I start to get my shoes on he plods down the corridor to pick his shoes up and even attempts to put them on his feet!
Wave bye-bye when you put your coat on or when Daddy gets out of the car to go into work. *heart melts*
Oscar’s Favourite Things:
Oscar’s Granny & Grandad bought him a baby shopping trolley and he just will not leave it alone. He pushes it all over the flat and collects items up in it. I am yet to be brave enough to venture out to the shops with him pushing it – I dread to think what we would end up buying!
Playing with his toys. He shows such an interest and will sit and play in his own little bubble for ages. I do always wonder what is going through his mind but obviously he is having lots of fun.
Meal time! If I say ‘lunch’ or ‘dinner’ he comes running over from wherever he is ready to get in his high chair. What an obedient little boy I have 😉
Bath time with daddy!
The hoover, still. I think this will be an ongoing one. As soon as it goes on he runs up to me and screeches out for a cuddle. The maintenance guy was hoovering outside on the stairs yesterday and he ran to me for a hug.
I was very sad taking Oscar for his 3 nasty jabs the other day, although he was a very brave little boy. I am so glad that he doesn’t have to have anymore until he is at least 3 (pre-school).
Oscar goes to bed at around 7pm every night and will sleep through (most nights) until 7 or 7.30. I don’t usually document this because I don’t want to jynx it but he has been doing this for a long time so hoping he is in a nice routine now.
It has been one year since I put pen to paper (well, fingers to keyboard) and joined the blogosphere and put my first post out there. It is weird to look back on that time as I was so worried that my writing was awful, or no one would read my posts or that I just wouldn’t enjoy it after a while.
I’m so happy that hasn’t exactly been the case. I have been told that my writing is good and people do actually read my posts, albeit a very small audience. But then an audience is an audience, right? Considering I started blogging for myself and still blog just for me (and a couple of friends who love to read my posts) it’s great that other people take the time to visit and read my rants.
One year on and I’m still going. I think I’m settling down more and feel less concerned about what people will think or whether my posts are interesting or not. I really enjoy writing them, so what does it matter really if no one enjoys reading them? A hobby is time spent doing something you love and I do just that.
I have also recently started up a YouTube channel in the same name as my blog, so I’m hoping to grow both at the same time (keep your eyes peeled for details!)
I was never in this blogging thing for money and still don’t ever expect that I will be. It’s not about that though, that’s really just a nice-to-have. It’s about having a place where I can be myself, say what I think and document our life as a family of 3 so that we have lots of memories to look back on.
I have decided that I can’t keep going on like this. I can’t keep eating and eating and lazing around, not doing any exercise. I can’t carry on stuffing food into my mouth when I don’t even need to eat. Half the time I’m not even hungry. This has to stop.
I am making a good attempt to change my lifestyle. I need to lose weight as I’ve hovered around at my current weight ever since I had Oscar. Most importantly, I need to get fit. I am so unfit that walking up two flights of stairs is a struggle for me.
So what can I do change my ways? I guess it will take a lot of hard work and determination and not just giving up when I think I can’t do it. I think I read somewhere it takes at least 4 weeks to make something a habit so I’ve got to stick to it, then it won’t feel so bad.
Food: I’m changing what I eat.
Substituting multiple bags of crisps and chocolate bars for fruit and vegetables. Chips and frozen foods for rice and pasta. Fatty foods for low fat, healthy snacks.
Fitness: I’m going to get active.
I want to be doing at least 10,000 steps each day and walking 3 times a week. Alongside this I am going to start Couch 2 5K again as I want to really build my fitness.
This needs to be a whole lifestyle change and not just a week of “diet” which goes down the pan because I just can’t stick to it. I’ll still have the foods I love the most, just less often. Maybe then I’ll actually enjoy them more rather than eating them for the sake of it?
I’ve seen so many people change their lives and lose weight plus gain fitness and there is no reason why I can’t do it either.
I’ve got a sunny holiday abroad to go on in September and I don’t want to look like a beached whale and I would absolutely love to wear a bikini without feeling super self-conscious.
As cringe as it is, it’s time to make a change and do what’s best for my body!
In order to track my fitness and weight loss journey I plan to write a weekly blog post of what I ate that week, what exercise I did (plus how many steps I clocked up on my fitbit) and my weight loss (or gain). This, alongside posting my meals to my fitness instagram, will hopefully keep me motivated to continue.